Medli discusses hope, resilience, and the importance of community in her transition.
“Hi everyone, it’s time for a transition update,” Medli Loo announces in her latest TikTok video. Dressed in a blue-red striped pullover, adorned with multiple ear and nose piercings, she shares candidly about the changes in her voice, skin, and hair growth after seven months of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) — a key step in her transition from male to female.
This video is part of a series where Medli, an 18-year-old thespian, documents her journey through HRT, which she has been undergoing for nearly 14 months. The sincerity and transparency of her updates are refreshing, especially in a local trans community often characterized by silence due to stigma and discrimination.
A 2020 survey by Transgender SG found that 50 percent of respondents faced significant barriers to employment due to transphobia, and 44.8 percent of students were forced to use restrooms that did not align with their gender identity. Despite such challenges, Medli chooses to share her experiences publicly, defying the oppressive social climate that many in the trans community face.
Medli on the Trans Community Today
“It’s true. In Singapore, there aren’t many openly trans girls, especially my age,” Medli shares over a Zoom call when asked about her peers. This lack of visibility often leads younger trans individuals to feel isolated. “Our society has a strong influence of toxic masculinity, imposing unhealthy expectations on those assigned male at birth.”
Being openly trans has also impacted Medli’s job prospects. As an aspiring actress, she reveals that around 70 percent of roles in the industry are no longer available to her. “Legally, I can’t appear on Singapore TV anymore, and many musical theatre roles are off-limits due to my male-sounding voice,” she explains.
Despite potential career setbacks, Medli remains open about her transition, offering an enigmatic smile when asked why she shares her journey.
Pre-Transition
Medli recalls her early struggles with gender identity and the sense of isolation that accompanied them. Seeking connection, she turned to online communities and found solace in YouTube videos by trans influencers like AJ Clementine and Gigi Gorgeous.
These figures were her only connection to the trans experience, and they often hailed from distant countries, leaving Medli feeling disconnected from her own identity. A transformative encounter with a trans senior in school at age 13 inspired her to embrace self-acceptance. “Seeing her live authentically gave me hope,” Medli remembers.
Growing Pains
However, the local education system posed challenges for Medli’s self-expression. “In Singapore, schools prohibit those assigned male at birth from having long hair,” she explains. To navigate this, she began experimenting with her appearance by painting her nails and wearing makeup.
A 2020 survey by Transgender SG highlighted the lack of support for trans students, often forcing them to wear gender-binary uniforms and be addressed by incorrect pronouns. “I presented as male, even while on HRT,” Medli shares.
After researching HRT options, Medli found Transgender SG to be a vital resource, helping her discover legal hormone therapy providers in Singapore. Public healthcare options, like polyclinics and the Institute of Mental Health’s (IMH) gender clinic, were her initial choices due to their affordability. However, long waiting times meant she had to seek private alternatives with her parents’ support, a luxury not all trans individuals can afford.
“The waiting time for appointments is so long; many trans teens can’t access HRT at all,” she laments.
A New Beginning
Medli’s first appointment at the gender clinic in April was a success, leading to her first month of HRT. She began noticing changes, such as breast development and clearer skin. Yet, these transformations were subtle at first. “Transitioning is a gradual process, and physical changes can be easy to hide,” she explains.
Despite her HRT journey, Medli faced emotional challenges. “The medication made me feel awful at first; I even considered stopping because it was so depressing,” she admits.
However, after several months, she found herself in a healthier mental state. “My sex drive has decreased, which I appreciate. It feels empowering to have the right hormones,” she says with a smile.
Medli’s decision to share her transition journey online is a tribute to her senior’s influence on her life. She aims to be a source of support for younger trans individuals experiencing gender dysphoria. “I want them to know they’re not alone and that there are ways to navigate this journey.”
Toward an Empowering Future
Medli has recently begun to pass as female more consistently, allowing her to experience life as her true self. “It’s liberating to be perceived the way I want,” she shares.
“Transitioning can be life-saving. To finally see yourself after a lifetime of feeling disconnected is incredibly emotional. I want others with gender dysphoria to experience that too.”
This story has been updated for accuracy on 13/07/22.
