Delving into the world of chastity play and one man’s quest for the ideal cage.
In a quaint green box nestled within his four-room flat in Hougang, CSJ pulls out the CB6000 chastity cage, the first device he ever used in his chastity journey that began in 2008. This contraption features rings with smooth edges designed to prevent abrasions around the genital area, a crucial detail he shares with me as I hold the lightweight, clear plastic in my hands. Despite its medical-grade material, which CSJ assures me is perfect for sensitive skin, he finds the CB6000 uncomfortable and bulky.
As I look around his room, furnished with a weight bench, a set of weights, and a sleek black road bicycle, it becomes clear that CSJ is not just a chastity enthusiast; he is also an avid triathlete. He shares that the pent-up sexual frustrations from wearing a chastity cage fuel his triathlon training.
A Treasure Trove of Chastity
For CSJ, chastity play is merely a facet of his broader interest in the BDSM lifestyle, which includes bondage, domination, submission, and masochism. He wears the chastity cage for several days under his everyday clothes, a thrill he describes as a unique feedback mechanism. “When I’m turned on but held back, I feel even more aroused,” he explains matter-of-factly.
Surprisingly, CSJ interrupts my train of thought by declaring, “I’m wearing one now, if you want to know.” His nonchalant attitude indicates that he is well-practiced in discussing this topic. He proudly presents his collection of chastity cages, quipping that he is only a few steps away from opening a museum.
Around his neck hangs a sturdy padlock and two metal rings, symbols of ownership to his dominant partner. In BDSM dynamics, the roles of dominant and submissive are clearly defined, with the submissive granting the dominant control over the scene. How these roles are navigated varies by the preferences and agreements of both consenting partners.
CSJ’s openness defies the common notion that kinks must remain hidden. Instead, he seeks to shed light on a lesser-known kink, promoting the idea that honest conversations about sexuality are essential.
A Cagey Start
CSJ’s interest in BDSM led him to online forums where he sought out like-minded individuals. “As a gay man, I underwent a process of self-discovery and wanted to connect with others who shared my interests in BDSM,” he recalls. His first dominant introduced him to chastity cages, starting with the very CB6000 that now rests in my hands.
Wearing a chastity cage feels like a compression garment with focused pressure on the genital area. When he finally removes it, CSJ relishes the sense of freedom that comes from being uncaged.
Initially, he experienced self-consciousness during his first four-day trial of the cage. Despite his awareness of the potential for unwanted attention, he pushed through the discomfort.
Seeking insight into the roots of CSJ’s fascination, I consult Dr. Martha Tara Lee, a relationship counselor and clinical sexologist. She theorizes that his interest in BDSM may stem from childhood experiences that unwittingly wired his body to associate specific feelings with positive reinforcement.
A Kink Uncaged
Sitting on a grey exercise mat in his living room, CSJ showcases his collection of chastity cages, slowly revealing each one with care. He owns 15 different cages, each with unique designs and materials.
Among his favorites are the Holy Trainer and Cobra Cage, which he describes with a mix of reverence and excitement. These cages revolutionized his experience, allowing for a more discreet fit and enhanced comfort compared to earlier models. He emphasizes the importance of finding the perfect fit for long-term wear.
The search for the ideal chastity cage, he explains, involves much trial and error. With a playful spirit, he notes that even with extensive research, the only way to truly gauge the right fit is to physically try them on.
His Favourite Cage
CSJ’s first chastity cage, the Holy Trainer, holds a special place in his heart, marking the beginning of his extensive collection. He speaks of it with admiration, likening its impact on chastity play to that of a beloved brand in the sneaker world.
Despite his many cages, he remains on a quest for the ultimate fit. He candidly shares, “The rings are crucial because they directly contact my genitalia. If the cage is too large, it can slip off; if too tight, it can cut off blood flow.”
His longest stint in a cage was a week, but he hopes to wear his forever cage for at least a month. For CSJ, finding the perfect chastity cage is more than a quest; it represents a deeper exploration of his desires and identity.
To My Dominant, With Love
Finding the right chastity cage is only half the equation. The dynamics between CSJ and his dominant partner play a pivotal role in his experiences. He embraces long-term chastity, allowing his dominant to have exclusive access to his locked penis, which he views as an ultimate act of surrender.
However, he balances this dynamic with other sexual partners, revealing the complexities of modern relationships. His dominant understands his needs and has graciously allowed him to remove the cage during triathlon competitions—a testament to the mutual respect and consent inherent in their relationship.
Dr. Lee emphasizes the importance of mutuality in a healthy BDSM dynamic. Both partners are equals outside of their roles, navigating their boundaries with open communication.
The Metaphorical Cage
Engaging in kinks like chastity requires deeper introspection and conversations about boundaries and desires. Kinks can be stigmatized, yet CSJ’s willingness to discuss his experiences promotes the idea that sexual openness is essential.
Dr. Lee explains that our kinks often emerge from a mix of childhood experiences and positive associations. CSJ’s confidence in discussing his chastity journey illustrates his self-awareness and liberation, which contrasts with the metaphorical cages many of us inhabit when it comes to discussing sex.
As he continues to search for his forever cage, CSJ remains optimistic. His next pursuit involves a new version of the Holy Trainer with an innovative locking mechanism.
I leave his flat wishing him well on his chastity journey, hopeful that his Cinderella moment—when the perfect cage fits just right—is just around the corner.
