Amidst the challenges teachers face, a heartening number of supportive parents step up, fostering positive relationships in education.
“I remember that week of the school’s end-of-year examinations as the worst marking week I’ve had in a while. A teacher in our already lean staffing count had just left, and I was exhausted from all the marking,” recalls Ms. Teo, 52, an Art teacher at a secondary school.
“But that afternoon, I received a delivery of desserts. It was from a parent of a student in my form class, thanking me for being patient with her child. I don’t even teach him any academic subjects,” she continues.
Ms. Teo was taken aback by the parent’s thoughtful gesture. For her, it’s these heartfelt acts of consideration from parents that make her challenging job more manageable, at least emotionally.
She cherishes this memory because, more often than not, parents reach out to her over trivial matters—like homework—sometimes messaging her outside of work hours, expecting immediate responses. “It does take a toll because the line between my work and my life is blurred. I can’t just shut off.”
Teaching is a rigorous and mentally exhausting profession. In his parliamentary speech earlier this September, Minister of Education Chan Chun Sing highlighted the burden of additional responsibilities on teachers, stating, “To then load them with committee work, non-teaching-related duties, and meetings as well as constant, non-stop WhatsApp messages from multiple chat groups are unwise and untenable.”
While the narrative often focuses on overbearing parents, there are, surprisingly, many considerate ones out there.
Nice Parents? Where?
The definition of niceness may vary, but teachers generally agree on what constitutes a good parent.
“Parents who are understanding and receptive when we do our jobs—be it discipline or academic matters—are considered nice,” explains Ms. Farah, 31, who has taught Malay in a secondary school since 2015. “They don’t bother us that much,” she laughs.
“Nice parents are those who are hands-on, working collaboratively with teachers when their child needs help,” she adds. Respecting teachers as authority figures is also crucial. “They trust your judgment and don’t question how you do things,” remarks Ms. Teo. “That’s very important.”
The cherry on top for teachers is receiving genuine appreciation from parents. “Some go the extra mile to get to know you. I have parents of students who graduated years ago still sending me well-wishes every Hari Raya, Teacher’s Day, and keeping me updated with their child’s lives,” says Ms. Farah.
Are Parents Less Nice Today?
As parenting trends evolve, so too do the definitions of ‘niceness’ between parents and teachers. While teachers’ expectations have largely remained unchanged, they now face scrutiny over every small mistake in their communications, especially in this digital age.
“Every time I give instructions over Google Classroom, I ensure everything is perfect. I fear that minor mistakes could lead to complaints directed at principals and the Ministry of Education, often without me being notified first,” shares Ms. Farah.
Additionally, there seems to be a growing erosion of respect for teachers in some circles. “Parents intervene and judge more frequently today because they no longer see teachers as the ultimate authority, unlike in the past,” observes Mdm. Chua, 47, a History teacher with 18 years of experience. “There’s certainly less respect for the teaching profession now than when I started.”
Yet, the irony is that this unkindness often stems from parents wanting the best for their children. The distinction lies in their approach: some choose to be demanding and controlling, while others walk the path of kindness and consideration.
The Transactionality of Niceness
While being nice should be an innate characteristic, the high stakes of academics often lead parents to impose unreasonable expectations on teachers.
“Nowadays, many parents are protective of their children, intervening when they disagree with our methods of teaching or discipline. However, most listen to our feedback and cooperate to help their child succeed,” explains Ms. Teo.
She recounts a parent who questioned her decision to give her Secondary 2 child, aiming for O-Levels in Art, a less-than-desirable grade on his paper. Once Ms. Teo clarified where the student had faltered and how she would assist him in improving, the parent became understanding and pleasant in their communications.
“I know they’re nice to me not just because they empathize with our situation but because they want their children to achieve good grades,” Ms. Teo reflects. “It’s all quite transactional.”
Beyond academic success, some parents expect teachers to fulfill roles they may not be able to, such as imparting moral values and providing emotional support.
Socioeconomic Spectrums
“From my experience, parents of students in the Normal Academic (NA) and Normal Technical (NT) streams tend to be nicer to us because they view us as beacons of knowledge and authority,” observes Ms. Teo. She believes this may stem from the fact that some of these parents are less educated, leading them to rely on teachers for discipline.
Parents on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum often focus on achieving financial stability, which leaves them with less time to engage with their child’s education. Consequently, they depend on teachers to fill this gap.
Going The Extra Mile
Despite the challenges, Ms. Farah has encountered parents who, though unsure of how to assist their children, strive to understand and collaborate with teachers.
She recalls a time when the parents of a student from her first graduating class traveled across the island to personally thank her for her efforts. “I had a student from the NT stream whose family faced many difficulties. His parents were consistently involved and willing to work with me,” she shares.
This support allowed Ms. Farah to maintain contact with the student, ensuring he felt encouraged and safe.
What Educated Parents Bring to the Table
Many teachers note that parents of students in the Express stream are more likely to intervene in teaching matters, often questioning teachers’ judgment. However, these parents can also be reasoned with.
Ms. Teo recounts a discipline case involving a student who repeatedly disrupted class. Initially taken aback by the punishment, the mother eventually understood the challenges faced by Ms. Teo and agreed with her decision.
However, not all parents from higher socioeconomic backgrounds lack kindness. While they may exhibit a more transactional nature, many still appreciate the hard work teachers put in.
Thankfully, Parents Are Nicer Than We Think
The perception that parents are either nice or unreasonable is a simplistic binary that fails to recognize the nuances in parent-teacher relationships. While some parents may demand constant updates, many are reasonable and understanding.
Timely communication, rather than frequency, is crucial for building trust. “We’re trying to change the stereotype that communication only happens when there’s a complaint,” says Ms. Farah. “We start by giving parents positive feedback when their child performs well or shows improvement.”
For teachers, being acknowledged as human beings adds to the relationship. “When parents are understanding, it reassures us that we’re on the right track in guiding our students,” remarks Ms. Teo.
Acts of appreciation go beyond gifts; they signify respect for the teaching profession. “Many parents are mindful of our hectic schedules, treating us to snacks during busy periods. This shows their thoughtfulness and respect,” shares Mdm. Chua.
Ultimately, while the presence of unreasonable parents can overshadow the kindness displayed by many, there is no doubt that considerate parents exist; they just need to be more vocal in their support.
