Nutri-Grade labels are expanding, but why stop at food? Let’s rate everything, from TikTok trends to parenting.
The Ministry of Health’s (MOH) ongoing campaign against sugar is ramping up, and now they’re tackling salt. Packaged salt, sauces, seasonings, instant noodles, and cooking oils will soon bear their own Nutri-Grade labels, marking a shift in how we evaluate food products. No longer will sweetened drinks be the only items marked with these dubious ratings. But if we’re going to grade food, why stop there? Let’s give everything a rating!
Nutri-Grade (Yes, We’re Grading Nutri-Grade)
Nutri-Grade: C
You’re telling me Coke Zero gets a Nutri-Grade B while full-fat milk is rated C? Seriously, make it make sense.
That Viral TikTok Cucumber Salad
Nutri-Grade: A
This salad has soy sauce and MSG (MOH, avert your eyes), but by god, it’s delicious. Eating your veggies should get you an ‘A,’ even if it takes a sprinkle of sodium.
Joining a Run Club
Nutri-Grade: B
What does running have to do with Nutri-Grade? Well, everything gets a grade now, so stick with me. I started running as a late-life crisis coping mechanism, and now it’s a regular part of my routine. It’s good for both physical and mental health—just be careful not to wreck your knees.
Looking for Love on Dating Apps
Nutri-Grade: D
Please, people, get more creative than “looking for someone to delete this app with” or “long romantic walks to the fridge.” Slim pickings on these apps may lead to pessimism, possibly even inspiring you to join a run club as a distraction. Use at your own risk.
Having Kids
Nutri-Grade: C
It’s rewarding, sure. But kids might cause an increase in stress and blood pressure. Best enjoyed in limited doses.
Financial Aid for Retrenched Workers
Nutri-Grade: A
The government’s effort to provide up to $6,000 for retrenched workers is very thoughtful. Helping jobseekers and those upskilling is vital. It took a while, but it’s better late than never.
The New Brandy Melville Store
Nutri-Grade: F
No matter how trendy your TikTok FYP makes it seem, splurging on one-size-fits-all fast fashion isn’t healthy for your wallet. I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum, but maybe rethink giving your money to a company that’s been accused of racism, fatphobia, and mistreatment of its workers?
Real Estate and Property Agents
Nutri-Grade: B-
They get a bad rep, but some agents genuinely try to do right by their clients. The collective hate is probably more about the sky-high property prices. When buying a house is already expensive, adding a commission fee feels like cutting off a pound of flesh.
Skibidi Toilet
Nutri-Grade: Skibi-D
How do you quantify social media brainrot and assign it a letter grade? I don’t know. I’m too busy being a sigma and looksmaxxing. Do I have rizz yet? Or do I have negative aura?
Mustafa Centre (the 24-Hour Version)
Nutri-Grade: A+
Mustafa is an institution where you can find anything and everything for an affordable price, and it’s this millennial’s Disneyland. For the first time since the pandemic hit, the beloved department store is returning to 24-hour operations. This is it: the truest indication that the pandemic is well and truly over.
Rice (the Food)
Nutri-Grade: A
Yes, yes, there are other grains that are better for you. But without rice, there is no Hainanese chicken rice, nasi padang, nasi lemak, nasi goreng, or cai fan. This cornerstone of Asian food deserves nothing less than an ‘A’ grade.
Rice (the Publication)
Nutri-Grade: A(?
Not to toot our own horn—but we try our best to feed your mind. In a world of fast-food content, consuming some homecooked rice might be the healthier choice.
