Mothers share their struggles and lessons on embracing self-worth in the journey of parenthood.
When I think about people who are undeniably confident in themselves, the list is quite short. It’s the angry boomers stirring up drama on Facebook, shady finance guys, and of course, Elon Musk. For the rest of us, a fair amount of self-doubt and criticism is a normal part of life.
This feeling of not being good enough can fade over time or with practice. Yet, there are certain areas of life where that self-doubt lingers, no matter how much you try to silence it—like when you’re a mother.
Even after months of physical changes, emotional preparation, and personal growth, many mothers still find themselves questioning their worth. They feel inadequate—not for their children, family, or society—despite the immense effort they’ve put into the journey.
It’s easy for someone like me to advise kindness towards oneself, but as a non-mother, I recognize it’s not my place to make that call. Instead, I reached out to three mothers to hear about their own struggles and how they learned to see themselves as enough.
Duty Calls, But From Where?
When Iffa Khalissa returned to work in April after maternity leave, it was nothing like the #girlboss narrative so often celebrated in pop culture. Nor was it anything like her previous work life.
At 30, Iffa was a driven, career-focused workaholic, always diving headfirst into her responsibilities. But with her child now her top priority, balancing work and motherhood proved difficult.
Despite a never-ending to-do list—clients, projects, a team to manage, and constant vendor communication—there were days when she had to step away for childcare. It was difficult for her to accept, especially when her colleagues tried to be understanding, knowing that her absence meant additional burdens for them.
The pressure weighed on Iffa. She had once been the leader of the team, but now she felt like a liability. The guilt she felt at work seeped into her personal life. Even holding her child, her thoughts drifted to missed deadlines and her colleagues’ unmet needs.
It was clear that Iffa didn’t feel she was thriving as either a career woman or a mother. Eventually, the guilt led her to resign from her job, choosing a new path that allowed her more time at home with her family. It was a difficult decision, but one she felt was right for her.
When I asked her what advice she’d give herself six months ago, she paused, then said, “It’s cliché, but stay true to yourself. Trust that the decisions you make as a mother are the ones that are best for you and your child.”
Scarred and Scars
Tamara, 35, doesn’t look like someone who’s just had a child. But the bulging belly and umbilical hernia are remnants of a difficult pregnancy. In fact, one of her friends congratulated her on expecting a second child—something she politely smiled at, knowing that the swelling was due to a condition called diastasis recti (DR), where the abdominal walls separate during pregnancy.
Tamara’s physical appearance is a constant reminder of the trauma she faced: an emergency C-section, the unexpected complications of pregnancy, and the emotional toll of seeing her body change. For months, she avoided sharing photos of herself, grappling with feelings of discomfort in her new body.
She had prepared extensively for childbirth, expecting a smooth experience. But life had other plans. The emergency C-section and subsequent DR were unexpected and left her with a sense of loss and control. Every time she looks at herself in the mirror, the scars—both physical and emotional—remind her of what she’s been through.
“I still hate what I see in the mirror some days,” she admits. “Was it really worth it? I’m still not sure, and I haven’t fully accepted that this is how I’ll look forever.”
As someone who had once embraced the #fitspo lifestyle, she found comments from family members that she had “let herself go” to be incredibly hurtful. But Tamara had more pressing concerns—she was focused on breastfeeding, not dieting.
Tamara now seeks physiotherapy for her DR and has kept the clothes she hopes to wear again. Despite her body image struggles, she has kept postpartum photos as a personal record of her journey. Over time, she’s come to accept her body as it is, expressing a preference for body neutrality over body positivity.
“It’s okay not to like your body right away. You don’t have to be okay with it instantly. It’s important to remember that your body doesn’t define your worth as a mother.”
The Liquid Gold Squeeze
Breastfeeding is often seen as an essential part of motherhood, yet many mothers struggle to meet this expectation. Carmel Estacio experienced this firsthand when she gave birth to her first child at 19. Despite her early lactation, her milk supply dried up within three months.
In the Philippines, she had no guidance, and when her child cried, her grandmother-in-law would quickly offer a bottle of formula, replacing Carmel’s breastmilk. Carmel’s attempts to breastfeed were limited to a few successful attempts.
Even three years later, the memories of that time bring tears to her eyes. She feels as though she failed to provide for her child, and this led to feelings of inadequacy.
“I couldn’t help but think my baby deserved a better mother. I felt like I wasn’t doing my best because I couldn’t breastfeed.”
A move to Singapore and a supportive environment made all the difference. Carmel finally had the space to breathe and feel supported. Her in-laws helped her embrace motherhood without judgment, and Carmel’s milk supply returned. She successfully breastfed her second child and was even able to pump for her first.
Looking back, she now realizes that not breastfeeding doesn’t make you any less of a mother. “When you look at your child, you know no one else can love them the way you do. That’s enough.”
Good Enough
Motherhood can be isolating, even among fellow mothers. Every journey is unique, and it’s easy to fall into a spiral of self-doubt, especially when you compare yourself to others or the “ideal” mother in your mind.
Iffa sums it up: “It’s simple, but someone should have told me earlier: everything’s going to be okay. It can make such a difference to a mother struggling to find her way.”
Carmel adds, “What matters is that you’re there for your child. That’s the most important thing. They’ll remember that you were always there for them.”
Sometimes, all it takes is a reminder—from people like them—that you are good enough just as you are.
