Managing Energy, Battling Exhaustion: A Glimpse Into the Lives of Those Living With Chronic Fatigue
Samantha wakes up at 9 AM, feeling exhausted as if she never slept at all. At 30 years old, she can’t pinpoint when her constant fatigue began, but it has become a part of her reality. Her morning ritual includes standing by the coffee machine, pressing the button repeatedly to brew a cup that’s overflowing with espresso. Four shots at a minimum—if she’s alert enough to count. But, she rarely is.
It might seem like a strong caffeine addiction, the kind you might associate with that one colleague who always carries a coffee cup. But for Samantha, it’s more of a vital necessity. Without the caffeine coursing through her veins, she’d be unable to even start her day. The word “start” here is key. By lunchtime, another four or five shots of espresso and a few cigarettes are required just to keep going until the second half of her workday.
Her fatigue isn’t something that can be remedied by a full night of sleep or a weekend of self-care. It’s chronic, and it’s always there, lurking beneath the surface.
The Hidden Struggle of Chronic Fatigue
Chronic fatigue comes in many forms. It can result from physical illnesses or mental health issues such as Depression and ADHD. Samantha initially thought her exhaustion was linked to her dysthymia (chronic mild depression). However, after seeking help, she learned that her fatigue was closely related to her ADHD, which made her condition even more difficult to manage.
“I just found out that people… actually have the energy to get through their day without needing naps?” Samantha remarks after waking from one. At that moment, her energy is temporarily restored, and she’s cheerful and alert. But, as always, this is fleeting.
Her fatigue feels like a heavy weight that presses down on her mind, body, and emotions. Brain fog clouds her thoughts, and she often feels like she’s perpetually waking up but never truly awake.
The best analogy she can think of? It’s like charging your phone all night only to wake up and find the battery is only at 60 percent. And then it drains within hours. While freelancing, she was able to structure her workday around her energy levels: naps, work, naps, and late-night work. But now, with a fixed 10 AM schedule at her full-time job in the entertainment industry, simply getting up for work is a struggle.
Her morning alarm feels like a distant sound, and by the time she stumbles out of bed, there’s barely enough time to avoid traffic and make it to work—she’s usually late anyway.
Managing the Bare Minimum
Samantha works part-time, with a four-day workweek, which allows her to finish two hours earlier than her full-time colleagues. She’s been offered full-time positions before, but the idea of working those extra hours is a non-starter. As much as her finances would appreciate the extra income, her body’s refusal to keep up makes it a firm “no.”
Her colleagues may view her schedule as enviable, but they don’t see her collapsing in exhaustion once she’s home. Coffee, cigarettes, and sometimes Coke keep her going, though she’s fully aware of the toll they take on her body, including heart palpitations and stomach pains.
“I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place,” she says, “If I don’t drink caffeine, I can’t function, but the stomach issues make it unbearable.”
Things have improved somewhat since she was prescribed medication for her ADHD. It helps her regulate her energy levels, like putting on glasses to clear away the fog. But the effects are short-lived, and she has to ration her usage carefully, scheduling her high-energy days around the need for downtime afterward. This means that household chores and socializing often fall by the wayside.
Fatigue’s Grip on Everyday Life
For Samantha and Erica, both living with chronic fatigue, simple tasks can seem insurmountable. Erica, who suffers from Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), likens her fatigue to a sponge already full—she has no energy left to take on anything more. Every small task, like brushing her teeth or getting dressed, drains her of what little energy she has left.
At times, she’ll go days without brushing her teeth or eating, simply because the effort feels too overwhelming. Her bedroom is a reflection of her mental and physical state—a chaotic space filled with piles of things she can’t bring herself to organize. For both of them, cleaning up is a multi-step process, and the thought of starting the task often feels impossible.
The Social and Emotional Toll
The social implications of living with chronic fatigue are significant. Erica and Samantha both express how their energy limits their ability to socialize or fulfill responsibilities. Samantha prioritizes work over family and friends, apologizing for missed opportunities and growing further isolated. She describes the pain of feeling misunderstood by others, especially when they label her as lazy or suggest that she should simply “try harder.”
Both women feel the weight of societal expectations, where productivity is equated with worth. They struggle with the concept of “bare minimum,” a term that often gets used to dismiss their efforts.
The Road to Self-Acceptance
While it’s difficult to explain chronic fatigue to someone who hasn’t experienced it, both Samantha and Erica have learned to acknowledge their limitations. They have come to accept that their energy levels are lower than others, and they try not to beat themselves up about it. But the grief of losing out on basic freedoms—like being able to do simple tasks or enjoy hobbies—remains.
The introduction of flexible working hours and hybrid work arrangements, which became more common during the pandemic, has provided some relief, allowing people with chronic fatigue to adjust their schedules according to their energy levels. However, disclosing a condition like chronic fatigue to employers can come with its own risks, including potential backlash.
The Future of Chronic Fatigue Awareness
There’s a growing awareness of mental health in workplaces across Singapore, with campaigns promoting better support for individuals living with chronic fatigue. While companies are beginning to recognize the need for empathy and understanding, more work is needed to ensure that people like Samantha and Erica aren’t penalized for something beyond their control.
In the end, both women—and others like them—just want to feel in control of their lives again, without the constant strain of fatigue. Samantha, in particular, has learned to stop imagining what life could be like without chronic fatigue. As Erica puts it, “I’d get so much done. I could hang out with friends. I’d actually have the energy to do things I love.” For Samantha, however, imagining that life feels too painful.
